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the golden annointment of sheer disappointment

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suzanne.

fascination street.

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January 11th, 2012

Back to the old house.

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fascination street.
Nostalgia brings me back but does not compel me to stay.

July 12th, 2009

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fascination street.
Oh! Hi, half-abandoned LiveJournal! What's goin' on? I sort of missed you, so I'm going to write an update and then not touch you for half a year again.

Probably the only thing that's really changed is that I have a Master's Degree now. But that doesn't mean much. Libraries only want to hire people with awesome skills, and pretty much all I have is the potential to be awesome. A part-time job and interesting coursework amounts to a hill of beans in the real world. Beans! I've applied for six full-time library jobs so far and am getting used to being ignored and passed over.

So I'm down but not out. I'm trying to have enough faith to realize that things will happen when they're supposed to; failure only means I need to work on myself more. Newfound optimistic attitude? At least I sort of have that going for me now. If I've learned anything these past few months, it's that despair is meaningless. And, at least for me, being sad just feels like so much WORK. And I'm a lazy, lazy person.

I haven't yet mastered this, and I probably never will, but there's something exhilarating about abandoning your expectations and just being.

I still spend more time talking and thinking than actually doing. That bothers me. But at least I care enough to be bothered.

So, things I'm thinkin' but not doin' yet:

Getting a tattoo. I have two ideas floating around in my head. Both are pieces of poems, one by e.e. cummings, the other by G.K. Chesterton.

Taking a dance class. I've done my research, and there are quite a few places in Chicagoland that offer classes for adults! I'm leaning toward tap.

Moving to New York. A large part of me is weary of Chicago. For five seconds, I thought, "You have enough money to go right now. Go. Don't worry about a job, you'll find one. You wanted
a challenge, a kick in the arse -- this is it. And if it doesn't work out you come home." heh. This is a big one. I'm going to have to work up to it, I think.

Soooo. Anyway. Thanks, LJ! I'll be back in another six months to dump some more crazy on you!

(I still do read my friends page, by the way. I just never comment... I'm the creepy lurker now, apparently)

January 26th, 2009

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out of control.
Let me tell you, internets, back in my day foreign phrase books weren't full of such smut! Land's alive! What's the world coming to?

Anyway, today I had to laugh because I was processing some phrase books that looked "respectable" enough (Frommer's). I started flipping through the French one, thinking it would be useful if I ever go to visit Karen. Okay, how to hail a taxi, how to order in a restaurant, blahblahblah. Eventually I found myself in a section called, "Getting Intimate." Here, I learned how to say, "Do you have a condom?" "I have a condom right here." and "Harder! Faster! Deeper!" Good to know, I guess! And very appealing to my 5th-grade sense of humor.

October 20th, 2008

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fascination street.
This was posted in the libraryschool community and seriously made me LOL.



<gradschool>
<edudesc>
<degree type="Masters"> MLIS </degree>
<school type="graduate"> 
<money dem="USD" type="loan" per="semester"> 10,000 </money>
</edudesc>
<lol>
<jobsearch>
<value type="numeric"> 0 </value>
<salary dem="USD"> 0 </salary>
<hope type="relative">
0 </hope>
</jobsearch>
<skills>
<interperson> Fail. </interperson>
<professionalism> Fail. </professionalism>
<competency>
Fail. </competency>
</skills>
</lol>
<mlisbffotp> Win. </mlisbffotp>
<satisfaction>
Fail. </satisfaction>
</gradschool>


heh.

October 15th, 2008

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out of control.
Usually I'm pretty good at the art of denial, but yesterday it struck me that someday soon I'm going to have to start paying off my student loans. I laughed and laughed! And then I fell into a pit of despair.

Despite my impending financial ruin, I can't wait to get out of Chicagoland for a little while. I'm seriously thinking about going back to DC for a few days in the spring. It wouldn't be that expensive to stay just for a weekend and it'd be worth it anyway. Especially since everything I want to see is free! I was really too rushed when I visited last and didn't get to experience the city the way I'd wanted to. Or, Plan B, I have a friend in Boston who I'd love to visit. Really, though, I'm open to pretty much anywhere. Where should I go that won't cost an arm and a leg? I need ideas!

Well, back to homework. I'm working on a question about carpet-balls.

October 11th, 2008

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fascination street.
I hate when people say to me, "You look tired!" Either I really am tired, in which case, thanks for noticing my dreadful appearance! And commenting on it out loud! Or I'm actually feeling wide-awake and pretty good but not anymore! Because if even after a good night's sleep you still think I look tragic, well... way to destroy my self-esteem! You jerk.

October 6th, 2008

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it&#39;s okay.
I'm so devious that even I don't know what my real intentions are. It's funny!

I'm taking another reference class right now and this is one of the questions I need to answer for my assignment this week. "Who was Kholumolumo? What did it do?" As I discovered, Kholumolumo is an African (Bantu) mythological "monster cannibal that eats everybody and everything." I think I'd make a pretty crappy reference librarian, but some of these hypothetical questions are making me rethink things. I mean, if I got to answer questions about monster cannibals every day that'd be neat! But I have a feeling 90% of my time would be spent telling people where the bathroom is instead.

October 5th, 2008

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it&#39;s okay.
For those of you in and around Chicagoland... I will be in the Loop (the Flaxman Library, near Madison and Wabash, to be more specific) this Thursday for a class. Where can I go to have an absolutely fabulous, yet affordable lunch? Bonus points if it's at least somewhat off the beaten path (as much as is possible for downtown Chicago, anyway). Anyone, anyone?

September 27th, 2008

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So far, the month of September has been nothing but a horror show, but I no longer want to get into all the reasons why this is so. Suffice it to say, I still kind of just want to run away from home. Who's with me?

At the very least I'm seriously considering buying a new iPod to console myself with. What do you think? Y/y?

May 21st, 2008

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fascination street.
I finally saw Juno; I know, I'm the last person in America to do so. It was cute, I guess. I dunno, it didn't blow my mind or anything! The music was lovely, though. It reminded me again of why I love Kimya Dawson.

I'm still trying to figure out how to drive our new used car. It has a car alarm (whyyy?), that I've accidentally set off more than once. I mean, if I try to use the key to open the door (it came with one of those magic, automatic engine-starting, door-unlocking electric doohickeys), the ^%&( alarm sounds! Even though the doohickey unlocks the door for me, I want to be able to open the door by myself. It's a matter of principle. All the windows are automatic, so I'm waiting for the day when they break and I'll no longer be able to feel the wind in my hair. The stereo has more buttons and settings than I've ever seen in my life, and I still haven't figured how to set the correct time. However, it's the nicest looking car I've ever driven, it runs perfectly, and it was a steal, so I'll overlook all the minor annoyances.

Train tickets have been purchased (Chicago --> Washington D.C. --> New York City) and hotels have been booked. I'm trying to silence that part of my brain that keeps saying, "it's a bad idea to spend money on a vacation. Bad idea." But honestly, I never let myself have fun and who wants to live that way?
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